She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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