And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
