yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i came on her dog
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
