The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
