So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
