Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
