A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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