i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
