took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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