someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
