You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
