im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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