I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
