Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
