Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
