i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize