no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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