Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
