He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
