I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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