it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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