If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
