my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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