Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
