So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
