at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I didn't notice because vodka
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
this is an emotional support booty call
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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