I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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