I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
