I just gift wrapped bread.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
