the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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