I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
