How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
