Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
