According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Please don't give away my fajitas
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
