My liver just broke up with me...
she woke up with a sticky ear
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
