You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
