The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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