So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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