i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
