Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
