real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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