rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
