his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
