my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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