I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
