the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I forget how to act sober
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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