Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize