the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
