I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
