yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize