areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
