would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
