babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
