I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
