There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
