It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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