In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize