Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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