you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
