I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize